SUNDAY 2nd DECEMBER 2012 (UNFINISHED)

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1. THIS DAY IN WORLD WAR 2 (2nd December 1942)
On the Russian Front... Soviet 5th Tank Army attacking XLVIII Panzer Korps along the Chir River.
Soviet 51st Army attacking around KotelnikovoSoviet 21st Army, 24th Army, and 66th Army attacking 6th Army in Stalingrad
Luftwaffe aircraft transport 150 tons of supplies to German 6th Army in Stalingrad pocket.
Soviet cruiser Voroshilov and destroyer Soobrazitelny bombard Fidonisi
In Budapest... The Hungarian government rejects German requests to begin deporting Jews to Auschwitz.

In the Mediterranean... Royal Navy Force Q attacks Axis Convoy H heading for North Africa. The Axis lose four Italian freighters, Kriegsmarine vessel KT-1, and Italian destroyer Da Recco. Force Q loses destroyer Quentin to Luftwaffe attacks.
Elsewhere, Italian vessel Veloce is sunk by Allied aircraft and Italian torpedo boat Lupo by Roral Navy destroyers.
Italian vessel Sacro Cuore sunk by RN submarine HMS Umbra
Italian vessel Saint Marguerite II sunk by RN submarine HMS Ursula.

In Tunisa... German 10th Panzer Division attacks continue around Tebourba.

In the Atlantic... Three Allied freighters are lost to U-Boats

In Chicago... Enrico Fermi at the University of Chicago sets off the first successful chain reaction in an atomic reactor.

In New Guinea... Allied air strikes prevent Japanese warships with III/170th Battalion from landing near Gona. 300 troops are killed but 500 are landed further up the coast instead.
Warren Force attacks toward New Strip
Urbana Force with heavy air support attacks Buna village
Australians make headway in attacks against Japanese positions in the Gona sector.

In the Indian Ocean... Panamanian vessel Amarylis sunk by U-181.

Today's Air Raids...
Frankfurt, Germany By RAF Bomber Command
Nieuport, Belgium on military targets by RAF Fighter Command
Tunis, Bizerte, and Gabes, Tunisia by US 12th Air Force

2. TODAY IN MY LIFE
Blogging and ironing. Quick shopping trip into town for new VGA cables before lunch. Sleep/meditation in the afternoon. Missus time in the evening.
 
Twitter Followers = 1,592 (down 1)
  Nonfollowed eliminated = 1
    Unfollowers eliminated = 0

3. TODAY'S SELF-OBSERVATION
When my rawest nerve is triggered, which is unwarranted public disapproval, a bizarre reaction is set off in my brain. I undergo a kind of Post-Traumatic stress in which I re-live the incident in a parallel universe where my reaction to it is genuinely psychotic and childlike, such as terrorising the tormentor with threats, torturing them, violence, or extreme self-harm, and often all these in successive scenarios. It's very difficult to break out of these "alternative flashbacks" and they plague me for days or weeks afterwards.

On the plus-side I don't inflict my distress on my loved ones or innocent colleagues and neighbours, although the more observant ones sometimes pick up that something is wrong. It's an essentially internal experience, but a nevertheless highly upsetting unpleasant one. I feel physically sore all over, my head throbs and the level of distress is comparible to life-threatening situations.

I haven't yet discovered a rapid mental counter-strategy to these incidents. Time, space, meditation, distraction and re-directed focus eventually restore balance, but only after days or weeks, and each incident leaves a scar - I remember them all.

As a therapist, I know exactly what's going on - an imprinted childhood trauma of parental disapproval, and I'm using a mixture of hate and Munchausen's Syndrome to deflect it. The standard treatment is a counter-program or reframing the situation, for example as a humourous one. Unfortunately the standard therapies just don't work in my particular case.

I have firstly begin with complete self-acceptance - to be open with myself that the issue exists. I believe that I have an inherent sensitivity that makes me particularly vulnerable to this kind of situation - it is my nature. I do at least not live out the psychotic impulses I live out in parallel universes and I do eventually recover. 

Interestingly and coincidentally, NEW SCIENTIST had a really good article this week on how the mind reacts to rejection scenarios, which gave me a new insight into my own issue, and gave me the idea that pain management techniques may be the answer. I will be testing out some new strategies over the coming week.